Freedom/Depression

On my nights free from work, I always get depressed. I think it has to do with multiple factors. The first factor would be that I do not have anything to distract me... no deadline for getting out of my bed/house/funk. As a result of having no deadline for my daily routine, I do not exercise as early as I normally do, which is the second factor that I can pinpoint. I will feel so incredibly depressed, and then I will do my exercise and find myself feeling much less of that feeling. Things become funny again after I exercise.

I am incredibly lonely. Today I woke up and noticed my parents, whom I have not seen in over a week now, were at the house. I was happy, because I wanted to see them, but before I could even get out of bed, they were gone. Tonight is my one night off this week, but I have to clean up the garage a bit so that my folks can take some filing cabinets out of it. I have been so fucking busy lately, it is intense. I will run down a usual work day now: I wake up, I am tired... Do not want to get out of bed. I drag myself up, my stomach is full from the food I ate before I slept. I try to give myself a bit of time to relax first thing, but it usually now consists of feeding my dog and two cats, of whom I am the sole caregiver now. If I do not feed them, and even sometimes after they have eaten, they meow and whine at me and will be right next to me everywhere I go looking at me, talking to me. I give them a little attention, but not what they really want, I feed them too. I then start putting all of the fruit I need for work into a bag after washing it. I fill up a water bottle, and when I get myself just motivated enough, I get onto my stationary bicycle. I proceed to ride the bike for an hour. After my ride I get into the shower and wash my teeth and body and face, all with Dr. Bronner's magic soap. While still in my towel I go to the kitchen and put the parts of my juicer together. I then grab vegetables from the fridge, wash them very thoroughly and then I proceed to juice them. I drink the juice and wash all of the juicer parts immediately after use. After juicing I take my vitamins, and I then go get my clothes on. After all of that, on a good day, I will have about five minutes to play the piano. I then work all night at CVS... which is not as easy as it looks. Mostly people assume that the night shift is "Mellow" or "Chill"... but they are dumb. Yes, most people are dumb, I will say that. After work I drive home and get out of those work clothes and into pajamas. I make a big salad and that takes me over an hour to make and eat. I then generally watch a movie, eat more food... eat too much food. I eat Figs, Dates, Mangoes, Nuts, Raisins etc....

There it is.