"bet no one ever hurt this bad"

I learned the Randy Newman song by that title and have been enjoying trying to sing it the way he does. Every time I pick up a guitar I struggle to play it because my fingernails are too long. I have trouble with that kind of upkeep... the constant upkeep that is not done daily. I always need a haircut, my work clothes are always dirty, my floor always needs a vacuuming and I never make the time. I usually end up clipping my nails at work.
Today I feel like a creep. I am a bit dissatisfied with my last blog post, and I have no confidence whatsoever. All the good feelings have been sunken by thoughts of shame. Shame is life, life is shame. I am outwardly consistent, but inwardly unstable. It seems strange to me that just last night I was telling people I had just met about my crying over the state of my life, and it seemed like I was speaking of the distant past. Now, today I completely understand that feeling and where it came from. I could easily let it control me again, the big difference is that I will stay in control. I will go to work and forget all about this. I suppose I have taken a big step forward.
The best way for me to get along with others is to see them infrequently. I long for companionship so much that I will love anyone who provides it, providing we are even remotely compatible beings. That is why my parents and I have such a good relationship now, because we are extremely compatible in a lot of ways, and due to circumstance, we hardly see one another. That is also why I can bring a friendship into being so easily now, but that is about as far as I understand to go with it. Beginnings are easy for me, I have no follow through. This is true in my work, my relationships, my plans... I can start, but I don't know how to see things through to the end... or to the plateau, if I could be so fortunate, or possibly unfortunate, depending on weather things level off in a good place or a horrible one. Some people I've met have no trouble diving right into their decisions, be them good or bad decisions, and I must admit that I am jealous. I will weigh my options until I have no options left, then I will undoubtedly be stuck with the least romantic option left for me... to change nothing. The good news is, I do not presently have that option available to myself. You don't have to ask me if I am scared, I will volunteer the answer to that question. Terrified. Terrified, but hopeful.