Thunder and dreams

Last night southern California experienced what is a rare occurrence around these parts: a Thunderstorm. It is very healthy for a system to have some heavy rain to replenish with. After I sweat for months, I know I can always go for a drink. I experienced most of the shower from within my large, well-lit cell. I could hear rain beating down the metal roof of the overstock room, and thunder would crack so hard it seemed to shake the earth. The lights would flicker and for a moment hope would enter the mind, "maybe the power will fail." of course it did not.

Sometimes I will have a dream about someone I do not know very well, and it will give me a false sense of closeness to that person. Last night I had a dream about a co-worker of mine who does not exist. We were intimately close with one another, and now I have a strange sense of closeness, but nobody to focus it toward. I guess the dream could be a perfect representation of the feeling I got from the dream itself. What I mean is this: I want to love, I want to be close with others, but when it comes to specific people or situations it is all completely different. In short, I don't like them enough to share intimate moments with them. So I am left with the feeling of having something to give with no one to give it to. This is not entirely true, and a big part of the problem I have created for myself, but I feel this way nonetheless. In my dream I simply created someone to accept me, and someone I would accept. It was pleasant while it lasted, but meaningless once it was over. That is a dream, you have to wake up. Sometimes it is relieving to get out of a dream, but every now and then, I wish I could just keep sleeping and let that be my new life.