Last day of the month

I find the months move much more quickly when they cost me $750.00.

Be ON.

Do not regress.

Keep moving forward.

All of life is happening now.

Being Happy

Interesting.

So you've chosen to be happy.

Just don't get to comfortable with your newfound joy.

It's good to feel as though people care about you, and by "you" I mean me. I can point to four people who genuinely, at least the way I perceive it, care about me. I love them all. I need them all. There is no life without them. For a long time I thought I had to be alone and I was becoming quite content with it at first, but as the time went on I knew it would never work out. It will get you, it will kill you. I will however admit that who I am today has been greatly shaped by loneliness. It has made me a better person, but also much harder to know. "Ask me a question and I will answer you honestly." It is true, but I wouldn't know how to tell you who I am. I guess that is completely normal... It is for you to decide. You can put the puzzle together for yourself, if you are patient. I will certainly finish the puzzle that is you. I will start with the edge pieces and work my way in to your center.

I happen to be a fan of actual jigsaw puzzles. About a year ago I would do puzzles all the time. As I previously stated... Loneliness. I had a problem though, I would start the puzzle and wouldn't stop until it was completed. The same obsessive behavior crosses over to you. Even if it takes all night, I will finish the puzzle. I will be up until morning, but I will see the full picture. I like to see things through to the end, and if there is no end I am never finished.

I have been musically active again, and the smile on my face is so big it has crossed over my cheeks and is spilling onto the floor. This may be the best my life has ever been. Is that true? That may actually be the truth. I have all of the elements right here, mutual care and appreciation and love, music everywhere, creativity, hope for the future to get even better... I just need a job, or better yet a large sum of money for no particular reason.

Hi Dad. Hi Mom. Hey Jenny.

Bye.

And it continues.

I just got back to my apartment from Origami vinyl where a band called Yuck played a set. They were pretty cool. I also saw the new Akron/Family album, but passed on purchase due to seventeen dollar purchase price. Hm. What else? Uhhh... I don't want to say anything else ever again, just feel and listen and learn and love. Goodbye.

You live and you feel, and you feel terrible.

Because of the trust I have allowed myself to give to you, you are completely forgiven.

Hi, my name is David Estrin and I have spent now two whole days in my bed.

Hi, my name is David Estrin and I have spent many hours dreaming of some person or place or thing I may never see, or never again anyway.

Hey! Good news! You are not alone! You are not ALONE!

I am with you. You are with me. We are becoming who we are, instead of just who we were.

I am your greatest friend and you are my greatest friend and we will be the best of friends.

We will be the greatest team, for a small portion of the time we will both be, independently of one another.

You will help me sleep, you will sneak around my dreams, with a different face, with a new and somewhat more interesting smile. You are the feeling that you give to me. Nothing more.

Whatever I perceive of you is what you then become, for me.

I choose to give you super powers. You now have them. You will come to my rescue.

Your name is not important. I will give you a new name, I will call you "potency" or "desire" or "crutch" or "love" or "me"

You will become whatever I need you to become. You only exist for me, because you only exist within me.

"Message expired or not found" said David's telephone. I did however see a photograph of a cat and a man. I know that cat well, and I know the man too... somewhat less intimately.

I am slowly ruining one life while slowly putting together another one. Both of these lives belong to me, even as I feel incredible distance from them. I may just have something worth living for, in the works. Maybe not. Maybe not. Maybe not. No need. No need. No need for such pessimistakes.