Yesterday I went for a walk. I didn't want to go too far from home, because I didn't really want to walk for too long. I strolled around the neighborhood a bit, returned a book to the library, walked around my old middle school... Next thing I knew I was following a trail I found and was pretty far from home, after I had been walking for a good amount of time. I then headed home. I ended up taking a 3 1/2 hour walk. My legs were ready to quit on me for the last hour or so, but I did find a market near my house where I purchased some mangoes and plums.
I have not heard back from anyone yet about a job. I suppose I am not trying hard enough. When I fill out applications it really makes me feel worthless. I graduated high school... I guess that is my grandest accomplishment to offer in this sense. It is enough to make me feel pretty bad sometimes. I feel like I am being looked down upon by the people I talk to at these places... Not always, just most of the time. I don't like summing myself up in a question and answer form. No, I am not the ideal candidate for any of the jobs for which I am applying, but I can learn how to use a cash register, I know it. I am confident that, given the opportunity to learn, I could welcome customers to a large shopping haven.
Yesterday, during my lengthy walk, I realized something. I was walking around my old middle school, as I earlier noted, and there were some children there... As I passed by a group of them they made me feel the way I would have felt when I was going to the school, myself being their age at the time. I felt inferior. I felt like I was on the outside of whatever it is that makes a person alive. I can only observe the humans and never feel that I am what they are. After all of these years, I am still the lonely child looking for some sign that I, like the other children around me, am alive.
Now, something completely unrelated: I have many dreams every night, and last night was no exception. I want to briefly describe one moment now. I needed to use the bathroom, in reality and in my dream, so I went to a facility at whatever establishment my dream provided me with. It was a fancy sort of place, the bathroom was modern, and completely strange to me. I knew how to use the toilet provided well enough, I suppose, because I was urinating into it. As I relieved myself there was a voice-over explaining the toilet to me, or some unseen audience, in the form of an infomercial host. I finished my business in the bathroom, but felt unrelieved... that is when I woke up and headed for my own bathroom. The television themed dreams have been common for me in the last few months. Sometimes I don't even participate, I just watch the show.
I have not heard back from anyone yet about a job. I suppose I am not trying hard enough. When I fill out applications it really makes me feel worthless. I graduated high school... I guess that is my grandest accomplishment to offer in this sense. It is enough to make me feel pretty bad sometimes. I feel like I am being looked down upon by the people I talk to at these places... Not always, just most of the time. I don't like summing myself up in a question and answer form. No, I am not the ideal candidate for any of the jobs for which I am applying, but I can learn how to use a cash register, I know it. I am confident that, given the opportunity to learn, I could welcome customers to a large shopping haven.
Yesterday, during my lengthy walk, I realized something. I was walking around my old middle school, as I earlier noted, and there were some children there... As I passed by a group of them they made me feel the way I would have felt when I was going to the school, myself being their age at the time. I felt inferior. I felt like I was on the outside of whatever it is that makes a person alive. I can only observe the humans and never feel that I am what they are. After all of these years, I am still the lonely child looking for some sign that I, like the other children around me, am alive.
Now, something completely unrelated: I have many dreams every night, and last night was no exception. I want to briefly describe one moment now. I needed to use the bathroom, in reality and in my dream, so I went to a facility at whatever establishment my dream provided me with. It was a fancy sort of place, the bathroom was modern, and completely strange to me. I knew how to use the toilet provided well enough, I suppose, because I was urinating into it. As I relieved myself there was a voice-over explaining the toilet to me, or some unseen audience, in the form of an infomercial host. I finished my business in the bathroom, but felt unrelieved... that is when I woke up and headed for my own bathroom. The television themed dreams have been common for me in the last few months. Sometimes I don't even participate, I just watch the show.
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